One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some double processed blonde in a BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I tooted my car and politely remarked that I’d been waiting for that spot, but she gave me the bird and ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in her back window – wondering of course it it was meant for her or her car – so I wrote down her number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first BITCH! (I had her number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW BITCH too. I said, “Is this the lady with the black BMW for sale?” She said, Yes, it is.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?” She said, “Yes I live at 12 Cityline Blvd, in Rowan in front of my yellow rancher. The car’s parked right out in front.” I then asked, “What’s your name?” She said, “My name is Yolanda Jones, ” I asked, “When is a good time to catch you Yolanda?” She said, “I’m home every evening after five.” I said, “Listen, Yolanda, can I tell you something?” She said, “Yes?”. I said, “YOU’RE A BITCH!: Then I hung up and added her number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two BITCHES to call.
Then I had a great idea – after an exceptionally stressful day. I called BITCH #1. She said, “Hello.” I said, ” You’re a BITCH” – but I didn’t hang up. She asked, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah”. She screamed, “Stop calling me.” I said “Make me!” She asked “Who are you?” I said, “My name is Yolanda Jones.” She said, “Yeah? Where do you live? I said, “BITCH, I live at 12 Cityline Blvd in Rowan in a yellow rancher and I have a black Beamer parked in front.” She said, “I’m coming over right now. You better start saying your prayers.” I said, “You’ll what?” She said, “I’ll kick your ass!” I answered, “Well, BITCH here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now & I’m going to kick your ass up into your ears! .” I then hung up and immediately called the police saying that I lived at 12 Cityline blvd, in Rowan – and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 10 News and said that a gang was on that street selling drugs and had guns. I quickly jumped into my car and headed over to 12 Cityline. I got there just in time to watch two BITCHES pulling each other’s hair out and beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter – surrounded by several news crews.
Yep! stress all gone = anger management!
